What kind of feedback are you looking for on this one? I'd guess you're not keen on rewriting huge swathes of it, given it's age. I notice you're making small edits as you repost it, I'd only suggest there are still a few typos, errors etc lurking in there, if you want to polish it completely.
I notice you say you've gone off first person writing, why is that? I'm not using it myself currently, but it's a good way to tell a tale, particularly one that doesn't need to show the reader what's going on outside of the main character's experience. There's an element of self-consciousness with it (one reason I never wrote about my own persona except that one short, short story), but I enjoy reading Redline Fox's adventures from "the man himself". Particularly with the theme of personal growth and discovery running through stories like this, first person is a good way to connect with the reader.
Just some thoughts to get the discussion rolling.
